Today is my Hebrew birthday, and I’m turning 45.
Apparently, my life got the memo and decided to celebrate by falling apart.
Over the last few weeks, several appliances have broken or are on the fritz. Some furniture broke. My kids crashed the car. Thankfully, they’re okay, which is the only part of that story that matters. Work projects are taking longer to finish than I expected.
It’s frustrating.
I don’t think I’m cursed, but when enough things go wrong at once, it’s hard not to stop and look around.
I’ve been working hard at being the best version of myself that I can be. As I look around and see all the things that are malfunctioning, it forces me to evaluate what I have and the projects I’m working on.
The questions I’ve started asking myself when things go wrong are:
Does the future version of me have this, or something better?
What isn’t working anymore?
What have I been putting up with because it’s easier than figuring out what needs to change?
This week’s parsha, Re’eh, opens with the word “See.”
“See, I place before you today a blessing and a curse.”
The parsha is clear. G-d tells us that listening to His commandments leads to blessing, and turning away from them leads to curse.
I try to build my life around what the Torah asks of me, but I make mistakes because I’m an imperfect person. I’m also not going to treat every frustrating thing that happens as a spiritual report card.
I don’t know why the appliances broke. I don’t know why the car accident happened. I don’t know why some of the things I’m trying aren’t working out.
I may never know the answers. But I can still ask myself what I can learn from the experience, because I believe everything happens for a reason.
My birthday falls in Av, after Tisha B’Av and as Elul starts getting closer. I’ve always felt that timing made sense for me and my purpose in life. This is the part of the calendar when we begin looking at our lives and asking what needs to change before the year turns.
Maybe that’s why I overanalyze things.
I don’t mean every inconvenience requires a full personal review. Nobody needs to make a life-changing decision because the dishwasher gave up.
But I do ask myself:
How does this experience help me become the best version of myself?
At 45, I know the version of me I’m becoming may need things to work differently than the 44-year-old version did.
Maybe she needs me to stop reopening a decision. Maybe she needs a boundary that I’ve been reluctant to hold. Maybe she needs me to admit that something which used to work no longer works for the life I’m trying to build.
Somethings are bigger and more challenging than I expected. That doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. It may mean I need to change how I approach it.
You don’t need a birthday to ask yourself the same question.
As Av moves toward Elul, this is a good time to look ahead and ask what next year’s version of you needs from you now.
Maybe it’s a change you need to make. Maybe it’s one thing you’ve been postponing, which means next year’s version of you is still carrying it.
The papers you’ve moved from place to place since Pesach.
The box from your move.
The closet that makes every morning harder.
The renovation decision, business project, or administrative task that keeps taking up space in your brain.
You don’t need to solve your whole life before Elul.
Pick one thing to see clearly. Give it some attention. Make life easier for future you.
Since it’s customary to give a bracha on a Hebrew birthday, here’s mine for you:
May you have the wisdom to ask yourself how you can be your best self, the clarity to see how to get there, and the courage to take the first steps.
I’m here to help with that.
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